ANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGST!!!

Mock Trial: Fail

College Apps: Working on it, not done. Fail

Family Problems: Major fail

Keeping myself from breaking down: MAJOR MAJOR MAAAAAAAJOR FAIL.

ANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGSTANGST!!

I don't know whether to be grateful a break is coming up or not... @_@

Well, October's over, and I've gotta say it was one hell of a month.

It's been four days since K14 got back, and it sorta feels like a dream since it went by so quickly compared to all the time and after school hours the leaders put into it. I can't say too much about it here, unfortunately,but I guess to sum it up, all I can say is.. Wow. Hahaha.. Anyway, back to the real world, with schoolwork, Mock Trial practice, and the principal trying to change the schedule yet again. Good news about this: November, the second most stressing month of the year, will be over a lot faster. Bad news: relatively less time to remember to do applications and whatnot. *sigh* Really gotta get on with that...

Anyway, parents keep giving me a lot of lectures regarding my future, most especially about my not wanting to go into any sort of medical field. Honestly, I know being a teacher's kind of a long shot to some degree, but it's annoying how they're saying that nursing and anything medical is a ''safe'' road, despite taking a long time. Dunno about you, but hearing that just screams to me: "I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL, SO TURN TO NURSING AND SAVE YOURSELF NOW." Dad says he's just trying to keep me from making the same mistake he did, which was listen to his parents' discouraging to go into nursing, but I told him that in trying to throw me into nursing, it was almost the same situation he was trying to push on me because it isn't what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, nursing was already an option I considered, but hearing my dad constantly say it is just making me want to dig that option into the dirt.

Anyway. Off to school. Live the Fourth! :D

~Danni

One more note: Gonna order a java chip frappucino with the name Kendal Malone! ^_____^

So, here's what I'm trying *and failing* to deal with..

-Stupid freshman (who just happened to be my sister's friend) that isn't taking my only REAL extracurricular activity seriously (I've already asked my moderator to just off her, talk to her, or something, but he's just too sweet of a guy to do something like that. -__-).
-College crap (which is failing the most for me atm)
-Trying to sort out my emotional crap (this may or may not cease to be an issue once the cause of said issue leaves this weekend)
-Planning my 18th birthday... debut... thing.
-Mock Trial (In general)
-Yearbook Business managing
-Being a K14 leader (which is somehow one of my most heckling problems at the moment.)
-Family
-Lack of money (my most prominent, given I had to pay my mom the money she thinks I got from that bitch who didn't pay me for my FUCKING BOOKS.)

Dear God, just KILL me, I swear..

...oh, and that title is just in reference to the fact that I'm watching the Sailor Moon Promise of the Rose movie.. yeah.

Venting session today at Carl's. XD!! Note to Self: I owe my friend money.
Another note to self: GO TO VBALL TO TAKE YEARBOOK PICS. OMG.

...the only things that ever come at me are the things that are hard to deal with?

...guess I'm sorry for that.

"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved."

-Victor Hugo

Numb out the pain, then feel it..

Then numb it out and forget. It's how you get through life, right?

Pretend you don't care until you really don't feel anything.

Things are a lot easier that way.

So some girl that 'bought' my books never gave me the money for them.

Now, this person in question I have never thought negatively of, but this is just shit. She's been getting books from me for the past few years, and each time I've always been fairly generous, ESPECIALLY since if I sold them to any other person, I'd sell them a lot higher. Not this year.

Early on in the summer, the choir had to do some recording for a little over a week. I showed up for the first five days of recording, and each day I gave a book or two to this person, expecting her to give me the money once she got it from her dad. She always, ALWAYS forgot. I didn't mind; it's not like I'm greedy. She kept telling me, "I'll bring it next week, don't worry about it."

I didn't show up for choir for the next week; I was at Jen's and spent a week there. I didn't remember to call or ask her about it, which I know is my fault, but I KNOW she didn't pay me.

The entire summer passed, and I went back to school. Today, I finally remembered to go up to her and ask her for it, and she tells me she gave me the money already.

EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE FUCK?!

I respect this person, I really do. But this person claims she paid me and I keep telling her she didn't. I know she's probably remembering some other year when she paid me, but quite frankly, I can't deal with this since neither of us has proof. She also probably has the choir's support on this given I'm not in choir anymore. Since my mom's expecting the money still, I'm thinking of just handing her some of my own and telling her I DID get paid because I don't want this to turn into a big deal.

At the same time, this is putting a dent into the savings I have in my bedroom. I won't have anything left if I did this.

The first week of my senior year so far has just been SHIT. FUCK YOU, ST. GENS. -__-

..IS OVER!!

Now for the hell that is senior year. Anyway.. I'm just kinda blah-ish today because I just finished the SAT at Van Nuys Middle School.. Ii wonder if I did better..

"Am I that bad at tempting people?" - Hyoubu Kyousuke.

AUUGGGH!

So yeah, this is not as much of an FML day as yesterday was, but OMG I NEED THAT A IN SPANISH.

AND MY ENGLISH TEACHER KEEPS FORGETTING TO CREDIT THOSE TWO ASSIGNMENTS!!

I NEED THOSE As... WAAAAH.

Sorry for the rant, but I'm psyching myself out for the coming of the report card.

*sighs* Someone save me from my insanity..